I am sick of hearing that I need to blame myself just because I am alone, that’s so coward. That everytime awful things happen to me just because I could handle things like this or like that. Fuck that, I never won.
Was I really hoping for the impossible? Someone that could make things a little better, that would love and understand me. Why this can’t be real?
Why do I need to deal with someone that thinks I am awful just because I can’t obey each single demand. I really love her, but she can’t.
She can’t love me anymore and I need to accept that, and now I need to hear that she was trying to be my friend, but can’t because I am terrible, selfish and was using her. I am not any of those things.
I am desperate and so sad, I dont know what to do.
Everything about life is being to overwhelming to me, even the most basic things, I have to deal with so many bullshit people dont even need to think about. Now even the only person I thought was worth it can’t help me anyway, and doesn’t even care, this person will not make sure I am okay, will just say some words and be with a clean conscience, in the end I am just a bitch anyway. No one can understand a thing and everyone is doing the opposite of helping. I need help, I need to be safe and I can’t assure this alone right now. I just wish I could do everything alone and I actually need to but I can’t … and I am rotening in every way